The Other Women

When people hear that someone is the other women they instantly think bad of her. Judge her intentions, mostly viewing her as a home wrecker and a relationship breaker. However, being the other women can mean a whole lot more and out of everyone I know that the most.

Only the people close to me and of course the guy himself know that I’m the other women. I wouldn’t dare tell strangers, because the thought of pre-judgement haunts me. But what many people don’t realise is that I didn’t seduce him into this or blackmail him into being with me. It was and always has been a mutual decision.

Whenever we meet up we tell each other we won’t have sex. That all we’ll do is sit and talk about our lives, have a catch up and possibly a cuddle before I have to leave cause his girlfriends on her way. Except that never happens. We always end up kissing almost immediately after I’ve lied next to him and then the rest becomes history. Once we’re done, more kissing and cuddling occurs as we discuss the next step.

Whenever I think about being the other women I question my intentions. I know he’s in a happy relationship and she can satisfy him in every way, so why do I do it? Why do I give someone the power to not only possibly hurt me, but also his girlfriend if she ever finds out?

I’m not close to this girl in any means. In fact I can’t stand her at all. However, that doesn’t mean I want her to get hurt. I wouldn’t dare wish this upon anyone no matter who they were. But no matter how much I wish I could end the whole situation, part of me won’t let go, because I get to experience all of the highs of a relationship without any of the reality.

What many people don’t realise is that being the other women comes with horrible emotional setbacks. You feel constantly lonely. You’re not allowed to just message them out of blue, because the fear of her being there is too overwhelming. Instead you have to wait. This could be days or even weeks of living in the unknown. On top of that, not many friends are supportive of your decision. The repetitive ‘but wouldn’t he just leave his girlfriend for you if he cared’ and ‘you can do so much better,’ just add to the loneliness which already haunts you.

Everyone hates being second best. Being the other women completely sums this term up. He will always choose to do something with her over me. Putting her every need first in what he calls ‘trying to keep her happy’. I think that this is his way of trying to convince himself that she’ll never find out. But imagine having something planned with someone for weeks. Cancelling other plans put forward so that you know you’ll be 100% free. And then getting a message saying that they can’t meet anymore. That they want a night in without you. Hurts right? That’s exactly what being the other women feels like.

I know the majority of people would say that being the other women brings it upon yourself. That why should you be treated with the same respect as his girlfriend, when you are not in a relationship nor neither of you single? Because ending it would hurt more. It would feel the same as the heartbreak you experience when a relationship ends. You have a connection. Whatever that connection is depends upon the two of you, but it’s yours and no one can compare it to any of their own relationships.

The world isn’t perfect. It never will be. The guy I’m the other women to is my best friend. By ending the only connection we have would mean completely ending our friendship, which means more to me then you could ever imagine. It’s not ideal, but I’ll never threaten to tell his girlfriend. Why? That’s up to him. And if she finds out? Then we’ll just have to deal with it.

For now it makes us both happy. And yes in case you were wondering I still go out and pull guys on nights out. And yes if a relationship for myself came along I’d end it. But I urge you to never judge anyone who’s the other women. They often have no manipulative intentions. Instead it just happens to be the wrong moment at the wrong time.

Nick x

 

Lost a Best Friend

A couple of weeks ago I received a text from my guy best friend explaining that he could no longer be my friend. He blocked my number and deleted me from Facebook. The reason why? He was getting back with his ex.

None of the girlfriends my best friend has ever had have ever liked me, mainly because we are very close and we have history together. Even though I fully understand that they may be wary of me, because I would be too, I really struggle to understand how a girl can break up such a meaningful relationship for the sake of their own.

I’m not going to deny it, but I’ve struggled immensely for the past 2 weeks, crying at the smallest of things and breaking down each time the realisation I’d lost him set in. My attempts at contacting him keep setting me back further as I send endless messages only for his girlfriend to block me on his Instagram and Snapchat as well.

To be fully cut off from someone who you’ve shared so much with makes you feel empty inside. Everytime something happens I long to share it with him, but when I do I know I’ll never get a response which kills me, particularly because I pretend to those around me that I’m slowly getting there. In actual fact each day that goes by I think of him more and more and wonder what he’s achieving without me ever knowing.

My other close friends have provided so much support during such a horrible time, but even though the words of “he will eventually come round” and “he is the one being a dick, you’ve done nothing wrong” continue to echo from each one of them, it’s so difficult to believe what they are saying is true. Instead inside I pray that all of this is dream and that’ll be over sooner rather than later.

Last week I also received some shocking news about my health and how I now need to start being careful. The one person I wanted to tell straight away even over my family was him, instead I went back to my car and burst into tears as I felt so lonely. All I want right now is that little bit of support when I wake up in the middle of the night trying not to throw up or when I have nauseating stomach ache, but I know he’s comforting his girlfriend probably not even thinking about me as I go through such a difficult time.

In the back of my head I know that I have no choice, but to move on and let him be happy. I can’t do it though. I can’t let myself lose someone who means so much to me and who I care about with all my heart. I know I shouldn’t, but I am going to keep messaging him, because even though I’ll never get a reply that little bit of hope I’m holding onto is getting me through. One day I pray he’ll realise how much a friendship means over a relationship and I pray that his girlfriend realises that inflicting such pain upon someone should be avoided, because if someone really cared about you, you should trust them with every inch of the love you have for them.

For myself. I hope that I can get through a day without crying, that I’ll be able to sleep properly without waking up and I can find happiness once again in everything I love. But for now I’m going to take each day as it comes, whilst being incredibly thankful for the friends which I do have to support me.

I do not wish this upon anyone and those which are going through something similar I encourage you to do what makes you happy and to do what you and only you want to do about your friendship. Because I know that I don’t blame him, so I’m going to keep fighting for mine until I get what I want.

Nick x

First Blog Post

I’ve been debating with myself for a long time about whether to start a blog or not but after recent events (which I will come to later) I’ve desperately needed somewhere to express how I feel.

I don’t really have any set topics for this site, instead I’ll explore all things relationships, friends and family, lifestyle, fitness and basically anything.

Everything I choose to express on here are my own opinions, but throughout them I aim to help other people, whether that by purposely providing advice and support or through my own experiences.

I hope you can follow my journey and be encouraged to start you own as I discover my own life through this blog.

Nick x