The Other Women

When people hear that someone is the other women they instantly think bad of her. Judge her intentions, mostly viewing her as a home wrecker and a relationship breaker. However, being the other women can mean a whole lot more and out of everyone I know that the most.

Only the people close to me and of course the guy himself know that I’m the other women. I wouldn’t dare tell strangers, because the thought of pre-judgement haunts me. But what many people don’t realise is that I didn’t seduce him into this or blackmail him into being with me. It was and always has been a mutual decision.

Whenever we meet up we tell each other we won’t have sex. That all we’ll do is sit and talk about our lives, have a catch up and possibly a cuddle before I have to leave cause his girlfriends on her way. Except that never happens. We always end up kissing almost immediately after I’ve lied next to him and then the rest becomes history. Once we’re done, more kissing and cuddling occurs as we discuss the next step.

Whenever I think about being the other women I question my intentions. I know he’s in a happy relationship and she can satisfy him in every way, so why do I do it? Why do I give someone the power to not only possibly hurt me, but also his girlfriend if she ever finds out?

I’m not close to this girl in any means. In fact I can’t stand her at all. However, that doesn’t mean I want her to get hurt. I wouldn’t dare wish this upon anyone no matter who they were. But no matter how much I wish I could end the whole situation, part of me won’t let go, because I get to experience all of the highs of a relationship without any of the reality.

What many people don’t realise is that being the other women comes with horrible emotional setbacks. You feel constantly lonely. You’re not allowed to just message them out of blue, because the fear of her being there is too overwhelming. Instead you have to wait. This could be days or even weeks of living in the unknown. On top of that, not many friends are supportive of your decision. The repetitive ‘but wouldn’t he just leave his girlfriend for you if he cared’ and ‘you can do so much better,’ just add to the loneliness which already haunts you.

Everyone hates being second best. Being the other women completely sums this term up. He will always choose to do something with her over me. Putting her every need first in what he calls ‘trying to keep her happy’. I think that this is his way of trying to convince himself that she’ll never find out. But imagine having something planned with someone for weeks. Cancelling other plans put forward so that you know you’ll be 100% free. And then getting a message saying that they can’t meet anymore. That they want a night in without you. Hurts right? That’s exactly what being the other women feels like.

I know the majority of people would say that being the other women brings it upon yourself. That why should you be treated with the same respect as his girlfriend, when you are not in a relationship nor neither of you single? Because ending it would hurt more. It would feel the same as the heartbreak you experience when a relationship ends. You have a connection. Whatever that connection is depends upon the two of you, but it’s yours and no one can compare it to any of their own relationships.

The world isn’t perfect. It never will be. The guy I’m the other women to is my best friend. By ending the only connection we have would mean completely ending our friendship, which means more to me then you could ever imagine. It’s not ideal, but I’ll never threaten to tell his girlfriend. Why? That’s up to him. And if she finds out? Then we’ll just have to deal with it.

For now it makes us both happy. And yes in case you were wondering I still go out and pull guys on nights out. And yes if a relationship for myself came along I’d end it. But I urge you to never judge anyone who’s the other women. They often have no manipulative intentions. Instead it just happens to be the wrong moment at the wrong time.

Nick x

 

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